Sensational Social Skills: Be Kind

Do you have a student who always needs to win the game or be first in line? Some students struggle to think beyond themselves. This may impact their ability to develop positive relationships with peers. This week's Sensational Social Skills will feature strategies to help students make others happy using the Pillars of Performance (PoP) framework. 

PoP is a framework we use to help students acquire and apply social skills. These pillars include: PRACTICE, PRIME, PROMPT & PRAISE.  We have created a series of PoP cards to directly teach critical social skills.  

First, introduce the concept of thinking of others with a social narrative like the one below:

Social Narrative:   Going first, being right or winning the game feels good and makes us happy.  Everyone can’t be first or win every time. When you let others go first or you are a good sport when they win, they like being with you because you make them happy. Practice thinking of others and being kind and you will make friends and be happy!

Click the image below for a free handout of the Be Kind PoP card.  Print, cut out and laminate the card to use as a visual support when teaching this skill. 

Let’s PRACTICE!

Practice makes perfect. In order to master any skill your student will need to deliberately practice the skill. This makes it much easier to apply the skill in the moment when it is needed the most. Try some of these practice activities to strengthen skills. Repeat, repeat, then repeat.

1. Okay to lose- Play a simple game. Have the student practice going second or even last. The goal of the game is to play and lose with a positive attitude. The activity should be quick, so you can start a new game, providing plenty of opportunities to practice and praise this skill.  Give points or stickers each time the student responds in a positive way.  If the student struggles with not being first in line, create a visual to show a rotation of placement. This will provide structure and predictability to reduce anxiety.

2. Use a Calming Strategy- Help the student identify a quick in-the-moment calming strategy such as deep breathing or palm presses. Practice regularly so this strategy can be applied when the student is feeling anxious about losing or peer conflict. Click below to try some nature themed calming strategies from the Best Friend Books book MindFun.

3. Think about the other person- Use cartooning as a visual strategy to practice guessing what the other person is thinking in different scenarios. Draw stick figures with thought bubbles showing what people are thinking when someone lets them go first or congratulates them when they win.  Show what people are thinking when a person yells or becomes angry when they don’t win. It may not always be fair. Did the winner win because of skill or luck? Help the learner understand that most people have good intentions and just want to have fun. Click below to learn more about cartooning.

4. Say something nice- Create scripts (written or picture strips) to teach the student what to say in response to loosing or conflict. Replace “you always win, not fair” with “you are good, teach me how to win”. Use role playing to practice the script as you would practice for a play. Focus on positive responses for typically challenging situations. Click below to learn more about scripting.

5. Social Behavior Flowchart- Help the student see the long term consequence of being kind and thoughtful. Focus on the green path to make friends. Use this tool to resolve social conflict by considering the thoughts and feelings of others and identifying ways to compromise. Present this tool as a positive planning tool rather than a punative reaction. By giving the student the power to make good choices rather than coercing the student to comply, you will  help develop the students intrinsic desire to take responsibility and do the right thing. Click on the image below to get your free Social Behavior Flowchart!

Time to PRIME!

Use the priming bullets on the Be Kind card to review the strategies you have practiced. If these strategies are fresh in the mind of your student, the student is more likely to apply the strategies. Make a point of reviewing these strategies prior to situations where the student demonstrates anxiety about winning, being first or being right.  If a Social Behavior Flowchart has been completed for a situation that may occur, this is a good time to quickly review it.  If you have been practicing a script, provide a sentence strip to visually prime them for expected language. Finally, have the student engage in the calming strategy for a minute or more.  These are all strategies that have been practiced so the student should be very familiar with how to implement them. The priming session should be a positive pep talk to review these strategies and instill confidence in your student.  If the student does not like to talk about it, simply give them the card as a visual reminder. By priming the student, you are setting them up for success.

PROMPT

Even with a priming session, the student may become anxious or excited and forget to think of others. Use the Be Kind card as an in-the-moment, nonverbal prompt to be kind. If the student is showing signs of escalation, prompt or model the use of the calming strategy. Consider other nonverbal prompts such as tapping on the sentence strip (script) to cue positive language.

 

Give PRAISE!

Our final pillar is the most important. We know that in order to increase any skill we need to actively reinforce the skill.  Any time you notice that the student is thinking of others and being kind, give them praise.  Encourage peers to give positive feedback and facilitate the student’s intrinsic motivation for developing positive relationships.

That’s it! Those are the 4 pillars to teach your student how to be kind and begin developing positive peer relationships.  Each pillar is important in supporting the application and generalization of these critical skills. Taking the time to implement all 4 pillars will result in the outcome you want. It may take some time so be patient and have fun with it. Teaching the skill with a positive attitude will help the student develop a positive association with the strategies. Developing your student’s confidence and ownership of the goal will help your student succeed.