Sensational Social Skills: Be Flexible

We all struggle with a little inflexibility sometimes, but when the inflexibility is chronic, it can impact a person’s ability to build positive relationships. This week's Sensational Social Skills will feature strategies for teaching flexibility using the Pillars of Performance (PoP) framework. PoP is a framework we use to help students acquire and apply social skills. These pillars include: PRACTICE, PRIME, PROMPT & PRAISE.  We have created a series of PoP cards to directly teach critical social skills.  

First, introduce the concept of being flexible with a social narrative like the one below:

Social Narrative:  Sometimes the person you are with may not be doing or saying things the way you want. Doing things in a different way can feel stressful or make you upset! Learning how to let go and think about others can result in good things happening. This is called being flexible. Being flexible is a super skill to have. People like to be with you when you are flexible. Here are some tricks to help you become FLEXIBLE and say OKAY to a different way!

Click the image before for a free handout of the PoP Card for  Be Flexible. Print, cut out and laminate the card to use as a visual support when teaching this skill.

Let’s PRACTICE!

Practice makes perfect. In order to master any skill you need to deliberatly practice the skill. This makes it much easier to apply the skill in the moment when you need it the most. Try some of these practice activities to strengthen skills. Repeat, repeat, then repeat.

Pause for 5: Play a game of “pause and go” (similar to a game of dance freeze) while engaging with a video or electronic game. Have the student practice hitting the pause button on cue.  This exercise will work on self-management. Remind them it is only for 5 (5 finger countdown) then they can resume. Saying OKAY to a different way is most difficult when one is engaged in a preferred activity.  Make this game fun and reward the student for being able to stop on command.

Use a Calming Strategy- Help the student identify a quick in-the-moment calming strategy such as deep breathing or palm presses. Practice this regularly so it can be used when needed. By helping the student reduce anxiety, they may be better able to relax and let go. Click the image below for an example of a calming strategy, but you will need to work with the individual student to determine the most effective strategy that for that student.

Think About Others- Use cartooning to practice guessing what the other person is thinking and feeling in different scenarios. Help the learner understand that most people have good intentions and only want the same thing…a little shared control. Teach the concept of compromise.  Learn more about the cartooning strategy to teach perspective taking by clicking the image below. 

Help the student think about another person by interviewing the person to find out what they think and what they feel about a topic.  Have your student write or draw to record the responses from the interview and then share this information with a different person.

Take Turns- Use cardboard paddles to play a pretend game of Ping Pong. This is to emphasize the back and forth of working together. Have a pair of students take turns saying numbers in a sequence, or naming items in a category.  The goal is to keep the ball going back and forth.  When working with others you don’t want to drop the ball (say nothing) or hang on to the ball (say too much). You want to make sure you have a balance of give and take, listening and talking.

Say OKAY to a Different Way-Take turns making decisions and drawing parts of a shared picture. You can also do this with building blocks or items to create a scene/story or play a game. The goal is to practice allowing another person to share control of a joint activity.  How many times can the student say okay to a different way? Make it a fun game to see how many times they can say OKAY!

Time to PRIME!

Use the priming bullets on the Be Flexible card to review the strategies you have practiced. If these strategies are fresh in the mind of your student, they are more likely to apply the strategies. Make a point of priming these strategies prior to situations that are typically challenging. For example, prime before group work or before activities that require collaboration. Prime before times of the day when your student typically engages in argumentative behaviors. These are all strategies that have been practiced so the student should be very familiar with how to implement them. The priming session should be a positive pep talk to review these strategies and instill confidence in your student. If the student does not like to talk about it, simply give them the card as a visual reminder. By priming the student, you are setting them up for success.

PROMPT

Even with a priming session, the student may be very excited or anxious and may try to control others or become noncompliant. Use the Be Flexible card as a visual prompt to say okay to the ideas and wishes of others.

Give PRAISE!

Our final pillar is the most important. We know that in order to increase any skill we need to actively reinforce the skill.  Any time you notice that the student is saying okay to the ideas and requests of others, reinforce this behavior by giving specific praise. If you see the student is working hard to be flexible and think about others, let them know! You may not be able to give praise in the moment, but take the time to do so as soon as it is appropriate. If your student gets embarrassed with verbal praise in front of peers, you can devise a subtle way to reinforce such as giving thumbs up or a written note.  If your student needs more tangible reinforcement, they can earn a small edible for each “okay”.

That’s it! Those are the 4 pillars to teach flexibility. Each pillar is important in supporting the application and generalization of this critical social skill. Taking the time to implement all 4 pillars will result in the outcome you want. It may take some time so be patient and have fun with it. Teaching the skill with a positive attitude will help the student develop a positive association with the strategies. Developing your student’s confidence and ownership of the goal will help your student succeed. 

Alert: When it comes to being flexible, keep in mind that if your student is showing signs of emotional escalation due to anxiety or sensory overload, this may not be a good time to teach them about flexibility. If they appear to be in crisis (fight or flight), they will need your help. Listen to your student and determine how you can compromise to move forward. Consider forced choice options that may help your student feel they have some control.  The goal is to help your student feel calm and safe so they can be available for learning.